HOW TO KNOW IF YOU OWN A CAVALCADE

As presented at the 2002 Cade Raid Awards Dinner in Branson , Missouri

By Jay Johnson

If you attend a motorcycle rally anywhere in the country, and everyone else at the event stares at your bike when you ride up and says, “What the heck is that?”.... YOU OWN A CAVALCADE!

If you know the difference between the taste of a gnat and a horsefly, .... YOU OWN A CAVALCADE!

If you spent your last 14 wedding anniversaries riding your motorcycle, .... YOU OWN A CAVALCADE!

If you have a callus on your butt in the shape of a Suzuki “S”, .... YOU OWN A CAVALCADE!

If you know the telephone number of every motorcycle parts store and junkyard within 500 miles, .... YOU OWN A CAVALCADE!

If you buy a motorcycle, and the radio only gets one station, and the format is Lawrence Welk salsa music, .... YOU OWN A CAVALCADE!

If you ride a motorcycle and your tee shirt size is XXXXXXL, .... YOU HAVE TO OWN A CAVALCADE!

If you go to a singles bar, and your pick-up line is “Ya know, I have a ‘Cade Cork’ installed in my rear end. .... YOU OWN A CAVALCADE!

If you ride 700 miles in one day with four of your Gold Wing buddies, and at the end of the day you are the only one who can walk erect on two legs, .... YOU OWN A CAVALCADE!

If you ride up to a motorcycle dealer’s parts department and ask for a ring gasket kit, and the parts manager says “Sorry, we only carry parts for Suzuki motorcycles.” .... YOU OWN A CAVALCADE!

If you purchase four spark plugs, and the clerk says “That’ll be $48.00 plus sales tax.” .... YOU OWN A CAVALCADE!

If your inseam is 27 inches and your motorcycle boots have 3-1/2 inch hydraulic lifts ... YOU OWN A CAVALCADE!

If you are showing off your bike to a friend, and your friend points to the center stand and says “What’s that for?” and you say “I don’t know, I’ve never been able to do anything with it.” .... YOU OWN A CAVALCADE!

If your date asks you the name of your after-shave, and your answer is “Plexas.” .... YOU OWN A CAVALCADE!

If you watched “Old Yeller” with dry eyes, if you didn’t cry at your daughter’s wedding, if you were unmoved by the death of Obe Wan Kanobe, But, you curl up in a ball and weep like a baby if you find a rock chip in your faring. .... YOU OWN A CAVALCADE!

If most of the road kill in your home county is imprinted with the words “Dunlop Elite II” ... IT’S BECAUSE YOU OWN A CAVALCADE!

If you stop at a traffic light, and a kid on a Ninja pulls next to you and says “Hey Grandpa, ya wanta race?” and you reply “Sure Sonny, first one to Key West wins!” .... YOU OWN A CAVALCADE!

If you see another Cavalcade ride past you on the highway being ridden by a naked woman, and YOU notice that it was a 1987 two-tone brown, LX (not an LXE) with genuine Suzuki trim lights, Markland floor boards, Campbell driving lights, a modified Gold Wing luggage rack, chrome trunk rails and Matheau custom exhaust. .... YOU OWN A CAVALCADE!

And finally, if you get up every morning, look yourself in the mirror and say, “Man you are the luckiest guy on the face of the earth!” THEN YOU KNOW .... YOU OWN A CAVALCADE!

 

Last updated:   Wednesday, February 06, 2013

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